Throwaway literature, part 3

"You have a sort of visible, silent resentment boiling under the surface, against anything and anyone who goes against your principles, and that is what I like about you."

"You always wear two necklaces, and you have two white hairs in your beard, also you look like you might have done a large amount of drugs at some point in your life, but in a way that gives me confidence."

"You resemble Jack Sparrow gone overboard on the eyeliner, trying to set a plastic bag on fire with magic."

Sentencing You, a community project in which people are asked to describe a person they like in just one sentence.

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"In the clouds he hangs, shredded dust
two wings fled, bleeding out out out and then not
deciding to copulate with paws of steel
shouting all over the floor.
Hard cold wet disturbance
with only one aim - to shoot on sight
the exceptional culprit of distance
and banish forever his appearance and not submit to any kind of hospitality
and always greet pistol shots kindly with an open heart (ribcage)"

oh gawd, what drivel

Guardians at the Gates of Pain, a collection of angsty, pseudo-deep poems for all audiences, which may or may not share a name with a Folk Metal band (Ed.: no research was undertaken in order to confirm or deny this factoid)

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"People had the nerve to wish me a happy New Year 2015, but what they didn't know was that since I briefly had access to a time machine in 2010, I had travelled to late 2015 once already, mainly in order to be able to prematurely cover Miley Cyrus' comeback hit Lick Me Downstairs on uke and bring it back to the (then) present. Uke covers were THE THING in 2010, you see. I know this because I always have my heavily manicured fingers on the pulse of the time. And occasionally, I will take that pulse from a few years in the future, and bring it back, and time will still be alive when I get there. Usually."

...but I never did quite learn how to spell Spandau Ballet, a memoir by music journalist/internet personality Sin W. Tucker, which mainly consists of half-truths and fabricated anecdotes and was hastily pieced together from her professional Twitter account as the deadline approached more quickly than anticipated.

S. W. Tucker's internet presence, home of the #CampaignToRespectHair hashtag

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"Shortly after they assigned the absence of a sound to refer to me, it dawned on me that I had become addicted to inhaling aftershave. Expensive aftershave."

I have no name, the illustrated story of a traveller and his/her struggles related to the lack of a name. A children's picture book, for ages 18+.

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Watch this space for more throwaway literature in the coming months/years!