Sunday, 22 September 2013

Spotted! Brighton male model Tucker in scandalous, incestuous, nepotistic love triangle with not one, but TWO married women… AGAIN

Toby Tucker: Brighton's beautiful rebel
Toby Tucker, Brighton’s best-loved Z-list celebrity, known for his dabbling in DJ-ing, stage acting and, most recently, modelling, had never seemed like the most innocent of personalities to anyone who’d vaguely heard of him. In the past there have been allegations against Toby that included drug dealing, violent assault, and even DVD piracy. It is no surprise then, that Mr. Tucker is seemingly involved in yet another crooked story that would certainly shock most people’s grandmothers.

Last Thursday, Toby was spotted having what at first seemed like a fairly innocent cup of coffee with two women in a well-known high street coffee outlet on London Road, an area where he regularly carries out retail modelling work. Our eye-witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, recalls: “I must admit I was a bit star-struck when I saw Toby with his two girls, and so when they’d finished their drink I followed them, at a distance, to see where they was going. I thought I would, like, soak up a bit of the glamorous lifestyle… but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw”. 

The witness followed the trio to the Brighton Jury’s Inn hotel, where they proceeded to check into a room together. Hungry for more star-studded activities, the eyewitness then scaled the hotel’s wall in order to catch a glimpse into the room on the fourth floor they had entered. “I was never any good at PE in school”, he says, “but the curiosity really gave me strength. And then, when I looked through the window and saw them, doing ‘it’, I almost fell. When I realised who the girls were, well, I actually did fall and I’ve spent the past few days in hospital. But it was well worth it to tell my story and bring the truth to the people out there.”

Doing it with Toby: D. Rott (pictured here at a fancy dress party in May)

The two women Mr. Tucker shared a bed (and various bodily juices! gasp) with that fateful day were identified by the witness as one Mrs. Diane Rott, the married (!) co-owner of several pubs in the Brighton area, and Miss Squeezy Bum (a stage name), a struggling lingerie model/adult filmstar [editor’s note: Miss Bum is currently not married, but for the sake of the headline we can safely assume she might as well be]. Things being as they are in sexually liberated Brighton, the story might have ended there, were it not for the fact that both women are cousins of Toby Tucker’s. On top of that, both have only recently secured lucrative modeling deals with the same agency that employs Mr. Tucker (hmm!).

Three's company: Miss S. Bum, known for various "modelling" jobs, in one of her trademark poses

“It just shows you”, our eye-witness continues from his hospital bed while recovering from several broken limbs, “how DIRTY they are, for one, and secondly, that the only way to get into the industry nowadays is by sleeping around with your close relatives, and not by hard work. I myself have tried my whole adult life to break into modelling, and never have my talents been recognized. And none of my relatives ever offered to sleep with me in return for a favour. But for Toby Tucker and his friends and family, this is all just a game, they don’t care about the ordinary people with true star potential.”